One Too Many Potatoes: How To Turn Your Grandkiddies Into Robots (The Birth of Pine Cone)

This little step-by-step instructional should help you on your quest to turn your little Krumbcrushers (or Anklebiters) into an amazing robot that will do practically……….nothing! But they look cooler than cool!

First – find grandkids that are preferably between the ages of 3-7; if they are younger than 3 they are too young to grasp the idea of a “robot” and if they are older than 7 they want their robot to be able to fly into space and defeat Megatron.

Find a box that isn’t too big for the littlest one or too small for the oldest. A refrigerator box is probably a smidgen too big and a shoe box is a smidgen too small.

Go to your favorite dollar store and just buy a bunch of cool stuff – you know, tape, tin foil (lots and lots of tinfoil), copper scrubber things for the kitchen, pipe cleaners, really ginormous glasses, tape, kiddy stickers, more tape, markers, maybe a plastic bucket helmet in sizes large and small, more tape, etc. We found that in robot construction you need lots and lots of both duct tape and tinfoil. But just one note of caution: Justin Bieber style duct tape is NOT PERMISSABLE ON ROBOTS!

Go to Menards and buy 3 inch plastic dryer vent tubing stuff and cut it in half so that each arm can be approximately 4 feet long. Normal robot arms, according to the NRS (National Robotic Standards) are 1.7 meters but who knows how long that is – we’re in America!

Figure out where the arms and head will protrude from the robot and make some careful incisions into the robotic cardboard. Have a towel handy so that you don’t get human blood onto the robot. Mixing human and robotic DNA might not be a good idea (have you ever seen that movie, “The Fly?”)

Although this is your call, probably cover the robotic torso with something like flooring paper or butcher paper – something that the Grandkiddies can draw on.

Let the Krumbcrushers name their robot – although you may want to have a list of suggested names handy that they can pick from. Our grandkids named their robot………..………………”Pine Cone.” I had the greatest look of disappointment on my face as I just mumbled, “Pine Cone??????” I was expecting something like “Planet Crusher” or “Meteor Zapper” or “Adrian Pederson the Packer Crusher.” But “Pine Cone”??????? I guess that’s what happens when the two Grandkiddies involved in this project are girls. I should have assigned the task of naming the robot to my grandson.

Decorate it, draw stuff on it, and just let the Anklebiters do whatever they want to their robot. We even had a string of Christmas tree lights for the belt (if by chance you do make a robot that flies into space, then make sure the extension cord is long enough).

Attach a pair of gloves to the robot dryer duct arms. As seen on the attached photo, adult supervisors are allowed to try them out first (but they should be careful with them as robotic arms are quite expensive).

Set the robot upright and then figure out if the Grandkiddies are going to need to stand on anything inside the robot so that their head actually sticks out and can be seen by the general public.

Very gingerly place a grandkiddy inside the robot and attach the arms and the helmet and plug in the belt.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Once you have placed your little human inside the robot, NEVER turn your back on it because the robot can tip over! As we were preparing to take photographic evidence of PINE CONE and with the oldest granddaughter inside the robot, THE ROBOT FELL OVER BACKWARDS!!! As I replay the horrific scene in my mind the whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion, but before the adult supervisors could react in fast motion (or even normal speed motion), Kabammmm – Pine Cone was on the ground! And the granddaughter was crying and scared! She sensed it starting to go backwards and flailed her 4 foot long dryer duct arms wildly, but it didn’t help! She hit the really hard floor (carpeting over concrete) and the only thing that saved her was her ice cream bucket helmet!

Before placing a little human inside the robot, print out a copy of the NFL’s “What To Do If A Player Has A Concussion” and read it thoroughly. Because we had done that we were able to react very swiftly (once the robot was in the prone position). And we followed the NFL’s guidelines verbatim: First we hollered, “OH MY GOSH!!!! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT????” And then we directed, “QUICK PUT YOUR HEAD IN THIS BUCKET OF ICE!!!” It turned out she was fine and hadn’t hurt the floor at all. Because of our quick thinking, Little Natalie totally recovered and again got back into the robot.

Have a supervisor (someone 18 or older and strong enough to stop falling robots) hide behind the robot and grasp it firmly.

Oh, one other thing…do not have the wood stove in the basement family room going at the same time so that its like 123 degrees while you are trying to build your robot. During the robot construction period it tends to make adults irritable.