Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Sunday, February 21, 2010
How To Have A Successful Sunday (Even If You Are The Pastor)
Some things I have learned from approximately 25 years of pastoring...
When your church sanctuary is filled with a swarm of bees on Saturday, don’t even think of canceling church on Sunday – a “buzzing” church is good.
If the LCD projector suddenly flips the words to the songs upside down, don’t have a cow. The next Sunday just use the hymnal or chorus book (and have the congregation hold the hymnal upside down for just one song in memory of the demon possessed LCD projector).
Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Monday, February 1, 2010
So Close...And Yet So Favre
A Brief Theological Perspective on the 2010 NFC Championship Game, #4, Lutefisk, Adrian’s Woes and the Meaning of Life
*************************************************
Well…in case you haven’t heard….we lost.
31-28 in overtime in the biggest game of the year.
I wasn’t able to watch the war – I certainly planned on it but when I got home Sunday at noon the overhead garage door busted and the basement family room dehumidifier was all iced up. So by the time I fixed those two things the article I planned on writing in the afternoon (and that had to be finished that day) got pushed into the evening.
So every 30 minutes or so I cringed, hit the button on the remote to see the score, and then turned it off. Toward the end of the game my wife just hollered down the updates. And when she came downstairs and told me that Favre had just thrown an interception and it was going into overtime I covered my ears, said “LALALALALALALALALALA” real loud and just ignored her. She could tell I was upset and was visiting the State of Denial so she just snuck back upstairs.
Perhaps the broken garage door and the iced up dehumidifier were signs of things to come. For sure the Vikings’ anti-turnover machine was either broken or frozen or something.
I have been a Minnesota Viking fan since the 7th grade and the Bud “Stone Face” Grant days of old Met Stadium. The first quarterback I remember was Joe Kapp who was with the Vikings from 1967-1969 AD.
Speaking of Joe Kapp (hang on for just a moment of college football trivia), he may have lost Super Bowl IV but did you know that he was the coach of the University of California Golden Bears for that really crazy “BIG PLAY” in November of 1982? It is probably one of the top two greatest college football plays ever (right up there with Doug Flutie’s Boston College Hail Mary pass that defeated the Miami Hurricanes). The BIG PLAY was that wild five-lateral kickoff return with 4 seconds left that beat John Elway’s Stanford Team. With Stanford thinking they had won and with one hundred and forty-four members of their Stanford marching band streaming onto the field midway through the kickoff return, they were suddenly met by the advancing Cal Bears at about the Stanford 20 yard line! Kevin Moen, the last Cal player to get a lateral, ran the ball through the scattering Stanford band members and into the end zone for the incredible touchdown. Moen finished off the touchdown by running into Stanford band trombone player Gary Tyrrell. His smashed trombone is now displayed in the college football hall of fame!!! Joe Kapp was probably on the sidelines thinking, “Why couldn’t that have been Super Bowl IV?”
This was the lead in to an article written by Tex Maule in Sports Illustrated in November of 1969: “The Vikings, with Joe Kapp on the beam and the four Norsemen lowering the boom on opposing quarterbacks, are not only leading the NFL's Central Division but may be building a dynasty. Color it purple.”
How about we just color it “heart-breaking” instead:
January 4, 1970 - NFL Championship - MN 27, Cleveland 7
(This was before the AFL and the NFL merged to become the No Fun League)
January 11, 1970 - Super Bowl IV - Kansas City 23, MN 7
December 30, 1973 - NFC Championship - MN 27, Dallas 10
January 13, 1974 - Super Bowl VIII - Miami 24, MN 7
December 29, 1974 - NFC Championship - MN 14, L.A. Rams 10
January 12, 1975 - Super Bowl IX - Pittsburgh 16, MN 6
December 26, 1976 - NFC Championship - MN 24, L.A. Rams 13
(I guess we didn’t learn our lesson in 1974 and decided to beat them again)
January 9, 1977 - Super Bowl XI - Oakland 32, MN 14
January 1, 1978 - NFC Championship - Dallas 23, MN 6
January 17, 1988 - NFC Championship - Washington 17, MN 10
January 17, 1999 - NFC Championship - Atlanta 30, MN 27 (OT)
January 14, 2001 - NFC Championship - N.Y. Giants 41, MN 0
(Two days later the Giants were still scoring)
January 24, 2010 - NFC Championship – Aints 31, MN 28, (OT)
But there’s one infamous divisional playoff game that’s not listed above. It was that December 28, 1975 game against the Dallas Cowboys in which the notorious “Hail Mary” pass took place. Roger Staubuch hit Drew Pearson with a really long pass with just a few seconds to go. But Pearson clearly pushed off on Nate Wright and should have been penalized and the winning touchdown nullified. How can I say that with such conviction and certainty? Because when you play CBS’s post game interview with Drew Pearson and the celebrating Dallas Cowboys backwards and listen real close you can clearly hear Tom Landry saying, “Pearson Pushed Off, Pearson Pushed Off, Pearson Pushed off.”
We may be 0 and 4 in the Super Bowl, but we have the only team mascot in the NFL (Ragnar Juranitch) that has the world record for shaving himself with an axe…under 9 minutes!
My Green Bay Packer friend Tom tried to console me the other night. “Hey Dan,” he said, “Did you know that Perkins now has a new Vikings meal? It’s called the Five Turnover Special.” Friends like him are hard to find.
And he tried to cheer me up a day later when he emailed me an updated American Medical Association poster on choking hazards. The international symbol of choking (a little picture of a guy choking) was being replaced with that Minnesota Viking profile emblem. He is truly a thoughtful friend! He should create sympathy cards for Hallmark.
Which reminds me about another one of my Green Bay Packer friends. A few years back Grant Gonyo tried to cheer me up when we lost to Atlanta in the 1999 NFC championship. Grant called me 2 ½ seconds after Morten Anderson kicked the game winner for the Falcons. “Hi!” he said gleefully, “I wanted to wait at least until the ball landed in the stands before I called (hahahaha) just to say (hahahaha) that I feel your pain (hahahaha).” He (along with Tom) has the gift of empathy.
I heard on the radio about a Minnesota Viking fan that, sometime in the 1970’s, decided not to shave again until the Vikings win the Super Bowl. His kids have never seen him without a beard. I don’t think his grandkids will either.
I remember when the New Orleans Saints were the “Aints” and some of the fans actually sat in the stands with paper bags on their heads. And when Bum Phillips came from the Houston Oilers to become the new Aints head coach, Houston fans lamented by sitting in the stands with bags on their heads and saying, “They got the Bum, and we got the bags!” (Just a little Bum Phillips humor: when asked about Earl Campbell -- his very gifted running back – and his inability to finish a one mile run in training camp, he said, "When it's first and a mile, I won't give it to him!")
But unfortunately for us, the Saints certainly ain’t no longer the Aints.
My feelings about #4? I like him. But whether you love him or hate him, you can’t deny Favre’s passion and enthusiasm for the game. When he played for the Packers, I hated the CheeseHeads but actually liked Favre. And I think his Sears commercials are really funny. Thanks Brett for a truly wonderful season. But just make up your mind before next October as to whether or not you will play in 2010.
Hold it…I changed my mind…I guess I’m not sure if I do like him…I’ll get back to you on that.
And here’s my suggestion for a cure for Adrian’s fumbleticulitis. NASA uses a secret concoction of Lutefisk and Lefsa to glue the heat shield tiles onto the underside of the space shuttle in an environmentally friendly way. Adrian, just smear your hands with the stuff before heading into the game. Its NFL legal and it will work wonders. And the noxious aroma will drive the defense bonkers (what IS that awful smell?!?!?).
In the Bible the number 40 is a very significant number and appears quite often. It’s related to a time of trial or testing. And do you know what else is theologically significant about the number 40? Each period of 40 is followed by a time of blessing!
Brett turned 40 this year.
It’s been like three weeks over 40 years since our first Super Bowl loss.
I have 40 hairs left on the top of my head.
Are you putting two and two together?
So I pretty much figured that Favre was Joshua and we were on our way out of the wilderness and headed for the Promised Land! Can I get an “Amen!” brother?
And when we defeated the heathen Dallasites and their young king TonyRomeo by 317 points, I thought, “Could it be?????”
Nope. 4 points to few nope. Coach Childress must have forgotten his “How to Defeat Jericho” manual and had the Vikings march around the Superdome only six times instead of the required seven. Or maybe they forgot to blow the trumpets or something.
Someone asked me in a meeting last week if we are under some sort of curse. (And by the way, is it the same one that Buffalo is under? I don’t think we are under the same one. Buffalo’s curse is….well it’s just that…they’re Buffalo). I think we are. Back on June 8, 793 somewhere near England the Norsemen sacked the entire island of Lindisfarne. I figure if a bunch of us fly over there this summer and buy each islander a Helga hat, that should cure our Super Bowl woes.
My former friend Tom made one final attempt at consolation and again tried to relieve my pain and bring some sort of meaning to my life. So he emailed me some trivia about Favre. Seems that Brett’s last pass with the Atlanta Falcons, the Green Bay Packers, the New York Jets and the Minnesota Vikings was an interception. I replied by email and said that if he saw it on the internet then it had to be true. (And I guess it’s mostly true except that the interception with the Jets was his second to last pass. Like that makes a difference).
So close.................................and yet so Favre.
Oh well…life is good…and there’s always next year! :>)
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
So every 30 minutes or so I cringed, hit the button on the remote to see the score, and then turned it off. Toward the end of the game my wife just hollered down the updates. And when she came downstairs and told me that Favre had just thrown an interception and it was going into overtime I covered my ears, said “LALALALALALALALALALA” real loud and just ignored her. She could tell I was upset and was visiting the State of Denial so she just snuck back upstairs.
Perhaps the broken garage door and the iced up dehumidifier were signs of things to come. For sure the Vikings’ anti-turnover machine was either broken or frozen or something.
I have been a Minnesota Viking fan since the 7th grade and the Bud “Stone Face” Grant days of old Met Stadium. The first quarterback I remember was Joe Kapp who was with the Vikings from 1967-1969 AD.
Speaking of Joe Kapp (hang on for just a moment of college football trivia), he may have lost Super Bowl IV but did you know that he was the coach of the University of California Golden Bears for that really crazy “BIG PLAY” in November of 1982? It is probably one of the top two greatest college football plays ever (right up there with Doug Flutie’s Boston College Hail Mary pass that defeated the Miami Hurricanes). The BIG PLAY was that wild five-lateral kickoff return with 4 seconds left that beat John Elway’s Stanford Team. With Stanford thinking they had won and with one hundred and forty-four members of their Stanford marching band streaming onto the field midway through the kickoff return, they were suddenly met by the advancing Cal Bears at about the Stanford 20 yard line! Kevin Moen, the last Cal player to get a lateral, ran the ball through the scattering Stanford band members and into the end zone for the incredible touchdown. Moen finished off the touchdown by running into Stanford band trombone player Gary Tyrrell. His smashed trombone is now displayed in the college football hall of fame!!! Joe Kapp was probably on the sidelines thinking, “Why couldn’t that have been Super Bowl IV?”
This was the lead in to an article written by Tex Maule in Sports Illustrated in November of 1969: “The Vikings, with Joe Kapp on the beam and the four Norsemen lowering the boom on opposing quarterbacks, are not only leading the NFL's Central Division but may be building a dynasty. Color it purple.”
How about we just color it “heart-breaking” instead:
January 4, 1970 - NFL Championship - MN 27, Cleveland 7
(This was before the AFL and the NFL merged to become the No Fun League)
January 11, 1970 - Super Bowl IV - Kansas City 23, MN 7
December 30, 1973 - NFC Championship - MN 27, Dallas 10
January 13, 1974 - Super Bowl VIII - Miami 24, MN 7
December 29, 1974 - NFC Championship - MN 14, L.A. Rams 10
January 12, 1975 - Super Bowl IX - Pittsburgh 16, MN 6
December 26, 1976 - NFC Championship - MN 24, L.A. Rams 13
(I guess we didn’t learn our lesson in 1974 and decided to beat them again)
January 9, 1977 - Super Bowl XI - Oakland 32, MN 14
January 1, 1978 - NFC Championship - Dallas 23, MN 6
January 17, 1988 - NFC Championship - Washington 17, MN 10
January 17, 1999 - NFC Championship - Atlanta 30, MN 27 (OT)
January 14, 2001 - NFC Championship - N.Y. Giants 41, MN 0
(Two days later the Giants were still scoring)
January 24, 2010 - NFC Championship – Aints 31, MN 28, (OT)
But there’s one infamous divisional playoff game that’s not listed above. It was that December 28, 1975 game against the Dallas Cowboys in which the notorious “Hail Mary” pass took place. Roger Staubuch hit Drew Pearson with a really long pass with just a few seconds to go. But Pearson clearly pushed off on Nate Wright and should have been penalized and the winning touchdown nullified. How can I say that with such conviction and certainty? Because when you play CBS’s post game interview with Drew Pearson and the celebrating Dallas Cowboys backwards and listen real close you can clearly hear Tom Landry saying, “Pearson Pushed Off, Pearson Pushed Off, Pearson Pushed off.”
We may be 0 and 4 in the Super Bowl, but we have the only team mascot in the NFL (Ragnar Juranitch) that has the world record for shaving himself with an axe…under 9 minutes!
My Green Bay Packer friend Tom tried to console me the other night. “Hey Dan,” he said, “Did you know that Perkins now has a new Vikings meal? It’s called the Five Turnover Special.” Friends like him are hard to find.
And he tried to cheer me up a day later when he emailed me an updated American Medical Association poster on choking hazards. The international symbol of choking (a little picture of a guy choking) was being replaced with that Minnesota Viking profile emblem. He is truly a thoughtful friend! He should create sympathy cards for Hallmark.
Which reminds me about another one of my Green Bay Packer friends. A few years back Grant Gonyo tried to cheer me up when we lost to Atlanta in the 1999 NFC championship. Grant called me 2 ½ seconds after Morten Anderson kicked the game winner for the Falcons. “Hi!” he said gleefully, “I wanted to wait at least until the ball landed in the stands before I called (hahahaha) just to say (hahahaha) that I feel your pain (hahahaha).” He (along with Tom) has the gift of empathy.
I heard on the radio about a Minnesota Viking fan that, sometime in the 1970’s, decided not to shave again until the Vikings win the Super Bowl. His kids have never seen him without a beard. I don’t think his grandkids will either.
I remember when the New Orleans Saints were the “Aints” and some of the fans actually sat in the stands with paper bags on their heads. And when Bum Phillips came from the Houston Oilers to become the new Aints head coach, Houston fans lamented by sitting in the stands with bags on their heads and saying, “They got the Bum, and we got the bags!” (Just a little Bum Phillips humor: when asked about Earl Campbell -- his very gifted running back – and his inability to finish a one mile run in training camp, he said, "When it's first and a mile, I won't give it to him!")
But unfortunately for us, the Saints certainly ain’t no longer the Aints.
My feelings about #4? I like him. But whether you love him or hate him, you can’t deny Favre’s passion and enthusiasm for the game. When he played for the Packers, I hated the CheeseHeads but actually liked Favre. And I think his Sears commercials are really funny. Thanks Brett for a truly wonderful season. But just make up your mind before next October as to whether or not you will play in 2010.
Hold it…I changed my mind…I guess I’m not sure if I do like him…I’ll get back to you on that.
And here’s my suggestion for a cure for Adrian’s fumbleticulitis. NASA uses a secret concoction of Lutefisk and Lefsa to glue the heat shield tiles onto the underside of the space shuttle in an environmentally friendly way. Adrian, just smear your hands with the stuff before heading into the game. Its NFL legal and it will work wonders. And the noxious aroma will drive the defense bonkers (what IS that awful smell?!?!?).
In the Bible the number 40 is a very significant number and appears quite often. It’s related to a time of trial or testing. And do you know what else is theologically significant about the number 40? Each period of 40 is followed by a time of blessing!
Brett turned 40 this year.
It’s been like three weeks over 40 years since our first Super Bowl loss.
I have 40 hairs left on the top of my head.
Are you putting two and two together?
So I pretty much figured that Favre was Joshua and we were on our way out of the wilderness and headed for the Promised Land! Can I get an “Amen!” brother?
And when we defeated the heathen Dallasites and their young king TonyRomeo by 317 points, I thought, “Could it be?????”
Nope. 4 points to few nope. Coach Childress must have forgotten his “How to Defeat Jericho” manual and had the Vikings march around the Superdome only six times instead of the required seven. Or maybe they forgot to blow the trumpets or something.
Someone asked me in a meeting last week if we are under some sort of curse. (And by the way, is it the same one that Buffalo is under? I don’t think we are under the same one. Buffalo’s curse is….well it’s just that…they’re Buffalo). I think we are. Back on June 8, 793 somewhere near England the Norsemen sacked the entire island of Lindisfarne. I figure if a bunch of us fly over there this summer and buy each islander a Helga hat, that should cure our Super Bowl woes.
My former friend Tom made one final attempt at consolation and again tried to relieve my pain and bring some sort of meaning to my life. So he emailed me some trivia about Favre. Seems that Brett’s last pass with the Atlanta Falcons, the Green Bay Packers, the New York Jets and the Minnesota Vikings was an interception. I replied by email and said that if he saw it on the internet then it had to be true. (And I guess it’s mostly true except that the interception with the Jets was his second to last pass. Like that makes a difference).
So close.................................and yet so Favre.
Oh well…life is good…and there’s always next year! :>)
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Frisky Business
(By Courtney Brewer, daughter of Dan & Kay)
For our sixth wedding anniversary my parents gave my husband and I the cutest card (my mom just seems to have a knack for finding the perfect one.) On the front was a picture of two chocolate lab puppies – and one of the puppies was kind of chewing on the other puppy’s mouth. The heading on the card read, “You may not be newlyweds anymore…” And when you opened it, the inside read, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be frisky. Happy Anniversary!” I loved the card and so I placed it on the kitchen table to display it for all to see.
A few days later my seven year old son (who at times seems to be able to read way beyond his age level) and I were having breakfast together. He was eating his bowl of Cheerios with a mountain of sugar on them. And I was eating an English muffin with peanut butter, still sort of groggy, waiting for those first few gulps of coffee to help awaken my brain cells.
My son picked up the anniversary card and read it out loud to me. He then looked over at me and said, “Mom, what does “FRISKY” mean?”
I didn’t need the caffeine anymore – because instantly my heart began to race! This is one of those difficult questions that kids ask. The type that parents normally think about for awhile and have well-thought-out answers prepared for. You know, like “How does Santa deliver all those toys around the world in one night?” I was most definitely not prepared to answer this question...especially at 6:00 in the morning!!! So I took a giant gulp of coffee and began to tell my son what “FRISKY” meant.
“Well Bug, it means that when a mommy and daddy love each a lot that they hold hands and cuddle and kiss a lot.”
“Oh………….ok” was all my son said!
Whew…that was a LOT easier than I expected.
My son then looked over at me and said, “Mom, I am NEVER getting married!!!”
All I could do was laugh and be thankful for my son’s innocence…And also thankful that his wedding plans were on hold until at least the third grade.
***************************************************************
Hold it…Update by Dan/Dad – February 1, 2010: Courtney emailed me and said that Noah is sharing his markers with a little red-haired girl in the first grade…perhaps there is going to be a 3rd grade wedding!
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
A few days later my seven year old son (who at times seems to be able to read way beyond his age level) and I were having breakfast together. He was eating his bowl of Cheerios with a mountain of sugar on them. And I was eating an English muffin with peanut butter, still sort of groggy, waiting for those first few gulps of coffee to help awaken my brain cells.
My son picked up the anniversary card and read it out loud to me. He then looked over at me and said, “Mom, what does “FRISKY” mean?”
I didn’t need the caffeine anymore – because instantly my heart began to race! This is one of those difficult questions that kids ask. The type that parents normally think about for awhile and have well-thought-out answers prepared for. You know, like “How does Santa deliver all those toys around the world in one night?” I was most definitely not prepared to answer this question...especially at 6:00 in the morning!!! So I took a giant gulp of coffee and began to tell my son what “FRISKY” meant.
“Well Bug, it means that when a mommy and daddy love each a lot that they hold hands and cuddle and kiss a lot.”
“Oh………….ok” was all my son said!
Whew…that was a LOT easier than I expected.
My son then looked over at me and said, “Mom, I am NEVER getting married!!!”
All I could do was laugh and be thankful for my son’s innocence…And also thankful that his wedding plans were on hold until at least the third grade.
***************************************************************
Hold it…Update by Dan/Dad – February 1, 2010: Courtney emailed me and said that Noah is sharing his markers with a little red-haired girl in the first grade…perhaps there is going to be a 3rd grade wedding!
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
It Is What It Is!
Charlton Hesston, played by Moses, was on the verge of leading 2 million slaves out of the iron grip of Egypt. The Israelites had been enslaved for 400 years (which by the way is about as long as its been since the Minnesota Vikings have been to the Super Bowl), and desperately needed a deliverer.
For forty years Chuck, excuse me – I mean Moses, had been a shepherd in the land of the Midian (which I think is about 200 miles south of Kadesh-Barnea on I-63).
But one day he happened to see a bush on fire on the side of the mountain and for some reason it wasn’t being consumed by the fire! He figured that it must have been like one of those fake gas fireplaces where the logs never burn up. So upon witnessing the miraculous sight, he drew nearer to see if he could spot any sort of gas line.
And when he did…God spoke to him.
“Moses! Moses! Take off the flip-flops from your feet – for you are standing on Holy Ground!”
Moses did so, but he was immediately embarrassed when he noticed a big hole in the bottom of one of his argyle socks.
Jehovah then proceeded to commission him to be the leader of a slave nation who would deliver God’s people from the world’s foremost superpower.
Moses argued with the Lord for a little while (I can’t speak, I’m too old, my socks don’t match, I don’t like Manna Burgers, etc, etc) but God slammed the door shut on all of those excuses. (Just so you know….I tend to avoid these chapters because I’m inclined to make a lot of excuses also).
Finally, Moses said, “If they ask Who sent little old me….what shall I tell them?”
(Pause here for just a moment to let the suspense build. Close your eyes. Listen! In the background you can begin to hear the slowly building crescendo of kettle drums and cymbals and whales singing).
Suddenly, God thundered with His Majestic Voice, “Go and tell them this: “IT IS….WHAT IT IS!!!”
Moses: Ummmmm…say what?
God (even louder and with the drums thundering even more and the whales humming “I Dreamed A Dream”): “IT IS…WHAT IT IS!!!”
Moses: Ah Sir, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but just what does THAT mean? And I don’t mean to nitpick, but I’ve got 2 million complainers that somehow I have to get past Yul Brynner’s chariots. I was hoping for something a just little more inspirational…you know, like Winston Churchill’s WWII speech, “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the fields, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!” Or Martin Luther King's “I Have A Dream!” speech. But “It is what it is?” Doesn’t that just mean that we can’t change anything and that we’re stuck in our circumstances? That’s pretty depressing! You don’t have any other speeches do you? That’s just not gonna inspire anyone.
God: Ummmm…well OK, I guess you’re right. Not too much faith-building pizzazz in that. How about this, “Save the Earth! It's the only planet I created with Chocolate!”
Ok, so Exodus chapters 3-4 didn’t really go like that. But Moses did want something to bring back to the people. They were desperate for a Deliverer. And this is what’s recorded for us in chapter 3 verses 13-14: Then Moses said to God, "Behold, I am going to the sons of Israel, and I shall say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you.' Now they may say to me, 'What is His name?' What shall I say to them?" And God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM"; and He said, "Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'"
Those five words, I AM WHO I AM, were all Moses needed to hear. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever! He provided miraculously for His people in the past and He will do so in the present and in the future. He is not the “Great I Was” or the “Great I Will Be.” He is the Great I AM! His miracles are not just for Sunday morning church services, they are for working people in working places on working days! He is TODAY’s God Who cares intensely about your bills, your health, your family members and your soul! He is the ever-present God Who cares for you where you are at right now. What He did in the past He will do in the future and in the present! He cares for you…bring Him your problems today (I Peter 5:7).
God is able to change the unchangeable. It is what it is…but only if you take God out of the equation!
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
For forty years Chuck, excuse me – I mean Moses, had been a shepherd in the land of the Midian (which I think is about 200 miles south of Kadesh-Barnea on I-63).
But one day he happened to see a bush on fire on the side of the mountain and for some reason it wasn’t being consumed by the fire! He figured that it must have been like one of those fake gas fireplaces where the logs never burn up. So upon witnessing the miraculous sight, he drew nearer to see if he could spot any sort of gas line.
And when he did…God spoke to him.
“Moses! Moses! Take off the flip-flops from your feet – for you are standing on Holy Ground!”
Moses did so, but he was immediately embarrassed when he noticed a big hole in the bottom of one of his argyle socks.
Jehovah then proceeded to commission him to be the leader of a slave nation who would deliver God’s people from the world’s foremost superpower.
Moses argued with the Lord for a little while (I can’t speak, I’m too old, my socks don’t match, I don’t like Manna Burgers, etc, etc) but God slammed the door shut on all of those excuses. (Just so you know….I tend to avoid these chapters because I’m inclined to make a lot of excuses also).
Finally, Moses said, “If they ask Who sent little old me….what shall I tell them?”
(Pause here for just a moment to let the suspense build. Close your eyes. Listen! In the background you can begin to hear the slowly building crescendo of kettle drums and cymbals and whales singing).
Suddenly, God thundered with His Majestic Voice, “Go and tell them this: “IT IS….WHAT IT IS!!!”
Moses: Ummmmm…say what?
God (even louder and with the drums thundering even more and the whales humming “I Dreamed A Dream”): “IT IS…WHAT IT IS!!!”
Moses: Ah Sir, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but just what does THAT mean? And I don’t mean to nitpick, but I’ve got 2 million complainers that somehow I have to get past Yul Brynner’s chariots. I was hoping for something a just little more inspirational…you know, like Winston Churchill’s WWII speech, “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the fields, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!” Or Martin Luther King's “I Have A Dream!” speech. But “It is what it is?” Doesn’t that just mean that we can’t change anything and that we’re stuck in our circumstances? That’s pretty depressing! You don’t have any other speeches do you? That’s just not gonna inspire anyone.
God: Ummmm…well OK, I guess you’re right. Not too much faith-building pizzazz in that. How about this, “Save the Earth! It's the only planet I created with Chocolate!”
Ok, so Exodus chapters 3-4 didn’t really go like that. But Moses did want something to bring back to the people. They were desperate for a Deliverer. And this is what’s recorded for us in chapter 3 verses 13-14: Then Moses said to God, "Behold, I am going to the sons of Israel, and I shall say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you.' Now they may say to me, 'What is His name?' What shall I say to them?" And God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM"; and He said, "Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'"
Those five words, I AM WHO I AM, were all Moses needed to hear. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever! He provided miraculously for His people in the past and He will do so in the present and in the future. He is not the “Great I Was” or the “Great I Will Be.” He is the Great I AM! His miracles are not just for Sunday morning church services, they are for working people in working places on working days! He is TODAY’s God Who cares intensely about your bills, your health, your family members and your soul! He is the ever-present God Who cares for you where you are at right now. What He did in the past He will do in the future and in the present! He cares for you…bring Him your problems today (I Peter 5:7).
God is able to change the unchangeable. It is what it is…but only if you take God out of the equation!
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
Dan Vander Ark onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
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