Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Sunday, February 21, 2010
How To Have A Successful Sunday (Even If You Are The Pastor)
Some things I have learned from approximately 25 years of pastoring...
When your church sanctuary is filled with a swarm of bees on Saturday, don’t even think of canceling church on Sunday – a “buzzing” church is good.
If the LCD projector suddenly flips the words to the songs upside down, don’t have a cow. The next Sunday just use the hymnal or chorus book (and have the congregation hold the hymnal upside down for just one song in memory of the demon possessed LCD projector).
Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
Count it a good Sunday if you don’t trip or fall off the platform when walking up to the pulpit. This never happened to me but it did happen to a pastor acquaintance, so I was aware of the possibility. Practice that maneuver throughout the week if necessary – draw a little map and take notes.
If it’s like 95 degrees outside and you’re having a July wedding inside with no air conditioning and the bride’s family doesn’t want the ceiling fans going because it will blow out the candles, make sure your notes have been laminated so the giant puddle of sweat running off your face and onto your notes won’t obliterate the words. And wear swimmer’s goggles so the sweat doesn’t cause your eyes to burn.
Make sure your zipper is up.
It’s the book of Revelation, not the book of Revelations. If you think otherwise, talk to my wife.
If you put your foot through the ceiling directly above the front pew on Saturday, just be honest with the people on Sunday – point heavenward and say, “Yep I did that!” (I really did do that – but I don’t have time to explain it right now).
Try not to laugh when your young daughters stand on the back pew and practice their smiling paper bag puppets when you are preaching. On second thought…go ahead and laugh.
Don’t sing hymns with really high notes – I find that you get light-headed and almost faint when you do. Also pay attention to which verse you’re on when leading worship – if you forget, just sort of mumble something when the next verse starts and listen to where the congregation is at. A good leader always follows.
Don’t not allow dogs to visit your church. And make sure you send them a letter thanking them for visiting.
If you are having people write their prayer requests on a piece of paper and then you want them (like on a New Year’s Eve service) to put that piece of paper on the big nail on the big old rugged cross that you have leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church; if you do that then make sure you don’t have the cross leaning on a wobbly pulpit at the front of the church. It WILL come crashing down and ruin the solemnity of the evening.
Pay attention to the kids – talk to them at least as much as the adults.
If your really young daughter (sitting with her mother) is like all fidgeting and won’t sit still and stands up on the pew a few minutes before the big wedding starts that you are officiating at and states loudly (after her mother says firmly, “Sit still!), “But mommy my panties are stuck in my butt!" Then (as the pastor's wife) don’t be embarrassed. Just crawl under the pew and pretend you are looking for spilled Cheerios.
Young kids in the church will put your picture on their bedroom door right next to Superman…make sure you don’t let them down.
Kids take better sermon notes than adults – and they’re funnier. And make sure you save those notes and pictures if they give them to you. They are more important than business meeting notes.
Try not to hate Green Bay Packer fans. Remember, God’s grace is sufficient for you! Hate the sin, but not the sinner. :>)
Love people. A lot of them have had a really rough week.
If a couple of little girls come to visit your church and ask if you are the manager, just say, “Yep” and make them feel welcome.
BE YOURSELF! If you don’t act churchy, that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, when you have communion and you give each of the four deacons a tray of cups, but then when you go to give each of them a tray of bread… Well, when you take the cover off from the stack of four bread trays and look in horror at the top tray of bread and nothing is there… So you figure, well, it must be on the next tray. So you take off that top empty tray, but nothing is on tray #two, so you figure, well, it MUST all be on tray #3 directly beneath. But when you open door #3, excuse me, I mean uncover tray #3 and lo and behold NOTHING is there either! (And you begin to sweat big-time while the congregation is watching their pastor search in vain for the bread). So you figure, IT JUST HAS TO ALL BE ON TRAY #4!!! OH PLEASE LORD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF MY HEART!!! But to your chagrin, IT’S EMPTY ALSO! Then what do you do? (This is a test): A) Look around for Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother and have him testify, “There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but I doubt this will bail you out, Pastor!” B) Have one of the ladies sprint to the kitchen and grab a loaf of Wonder Bread? Or C) Crawl into the pulpit and wait till everyone leaves?....I prefer C.
Don’t be afraid to jump rope with the kids. They think it’s cool that some old preacher guy can do that, and it does your heart good.
Don’t be impatient with sheep. Remember, its natural for sheep to stink. It’s why they need a shepherd.
In the winter, go sledding with the kids before the Wednesday night adult Bible study. Even if you do get cold and wet and the Bible study starts 15 minutes late. The adults have probably heard about Romans a zillion times anyway.
Work really hard at remembering people’s names. When you remember their name you are telling them that they are important to you.
Make sure you are especially patient with young moms who care enough to bring their kids to church and are struggling with them in the service. Don’t get all hot and bothered if the ruckus or crying baby interrupts your sermon. They’re more important than you anyway.
If you said something wrong or stupid from the pulpit, just admit it and don’t make excuses. And ask the congregation for their forgiveness. They don’t expect their preachers to be perfect. They just want them real and honest and transparent.
Listen well and talk little (except when you’re preaching).
Preach with a rainbow colored clown wig on. Its nice preaching with hair, even if it is polyester.
Don’t beat up the sheep on Sunday morning. The world works hard at doing that all week long. They come for healing and encouragement. If you’re a sheep-beater, find another occupation.
Love people. Put your arm around them and pray for them. Let them know God cares about them.
Don’t be ashamed to cry for lost souls from the pulpit. And don’t be embarrassed to shed tears for people who are hurting.
Don’t give up! There are too many people out there that need your kind words, your sincere prayers, a gentle hug or a firm handshake. Tear up your letter of resignation. Remember, Jesus loves shepherds! And besides, something funny might happen next Sunday...:>)
(And sheep...remember to pray daily for your shepherd)
Dan Vander Ark
Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved
http://onetoomanypotatoes.blogspot.com
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