Death By Frisbee

Our daughter Courtney volunteered to host a Wednesday night “Grill and Chill” for our church at the Burnett ball field, so after work we hustled home, changed and headed out. We got to the picnic, visited for a little bit and then ate. I was hungry so I had two plates full of fried chicken, potato salad and other really good stuff.


Then Pastor Mike asked if anyone wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee. I loved tossing the Frisbee and had heard about Frisbee Golf, but had never heard about the “Ultimate” part.

A few years ago at work three of us tossed the Frisbee around during break. And when the weather was bad we went into the warehouse -- we got halfway good at tossing it around this pole or through that shelf. We even tried hitting the back wall of the warehouse from the mezzanine. Mine always fell short of that mark, but it was a lot of fun.

So at the Burnett ball field, all the guys gathered in the outfield to pick teams. There were I guess 14-16 of us ranging from the young (my grandson) to the not so young (me and a couple other guys). The captains started choosing sides and when it was down to about 6 of us and I hadn’t been drafted yet, I began to have flashbacks of the drafts at grade school kickball when I wasn’t taken till about the 49th round. Fortunately they just split us up so we wouldn’t have any self-esteem issues: “Ok, you three leftovers go to this side and you three go to that side.”

So the sides were chosen. The problem was though that in the melee you couldn’t really remember who was on your side. It’s just a good thing they didn’t call for skins and shirts. Me and six pack abs……………NOT!

But just to be helpful (and as a kind gesture), in the midst of the scramble when the guys on the other team hollered, “Who’s on my side?” I raised my hand. Just to be helpful.

Ultimate Frisbee is fashioned after soccer – you have to pass the Frisbee to someone on your side and are only permitted to take three steps once you catch it, then you have to attempt to pass it to another teammate as you work your way toward the football-like end zone (not a goal as in soccer). If the guy on your team doesn’t catch it or you throw just your normal horrible pass or the enemy knocks it down or intercepts it – then the other team gets the plastic saucer and back you go the other way.

(The day after Death-By-Frisbee I Googled “Ultimate Frisbee” on the internet just to see what I could find out about the sport. I soon learned that Ultimate Frisbee is used to winnow the really tough Navy Seals trainees from the not quite really tough Navy Seal trainees. One trainee wrote, “I didn’t mind holding that 200 pound log over my head all morning, but Ultimate Frisbee…now THAT was hard!)


So back and forth we went.

And I soon discovered – I could go back ok, but I had trouble going forth. I had been doing a fair amount of walking so I didn’t think I was in too bad of shape. But I thought wrong. And those two helpings of potato salad? A couple of times I thought I was going to have to eat them again.

And have you ever seen that original Star Trek series episode where Captain Kirk and Spock and others on the bridge of the Enterprise hear what sounds like just a really loud mosquito – but they never see anything? Then (if I remember correctly) they slow down the ship’s video log to super super slo mo and lo and behold they discover that there are aliens on their ship that move at incredible speeds compared to the molasses-like speed of the humanoids.

Well, I was the humanoid and Pastor Mike and several others and Gene “The Difference Maker” were the aliens. I compare my speed to that of a turtle being shot out of marshmallow shooter – incredibly fast for about 12 inches and then incredibly slow. I swear one time I had a good 20 yards of clean air to throw the Frisbee to a team mate. But suddenly one of the aliens (Teenage Mutant Ninja Non-Turtle Jacob) intercepted it! Where did he come from?

I was sweating and panting so bad after the first 20 minutes I was just longing for half-time. SURELY there would be a church-lady marching band halftime show so we could get a break and get some Gatorade and IV’s or SOMETHING!

But they just kept playing.

After what seemed like eons, Pastor Mike mercifully announced, “OK, whoever scores the next two points wins.”

Can I get an “Amen!?”

Within 13 seconds the other team scored twice and we walked off the field.


It was really a lot of fun, but I was really winded. I sat down for a little bit, visited for a while with the sweat rolling off from me. I was so hot from running and it was so humid that my glasses kept fogging up. I wondered, “Did I wander into a sauna or is it just like really really foggy out here?”

When I got home it took a lot longer than normal to walk up the stairs. My thigh muscles had had enough and just decided (WITHOUT my permission) to disconnect from me!

“Wow! How come my legs ain’t working?!?! My brain is commanding my legs to move, but they aren't following orders!!!"

I begged and cajoled and threatened my thigh muscles but they just didn’t want to have anything to do with the rest of my body for the rest of the night.

And my calf muscles were seriously thinking of joining their rebellion.

For a while I thought that I might not be able to go to work the next day. But how would I explain it to my boss?

“Hey Boss, I won’t be in today.”
“Hey Dan, what’s the matter? Are you calling in sick? And why are you mumbling stuff about death and Frisbee and thigh muscle rebellion?”
“No boss, I’m not sick……………………………I’m just calling in ‘old’”