When Faucets Attack

It first happened last September during my granddaughter’s second birthday party at my daughter and son-in-law’s home. We were in the process of getting ready to eat before the birthday presents were opened. The little squeeze bottle of mustard sort of “burped” and so there was some old-mustard icky stuff on the little red nozzle thing. I went to the sink and washed it off. But then I had to take the sprayer and wash the mustard out of the sink. Then it happened. I went to put the sprayer back and that was apparently its cue to not work. When I released the sprayer nozzle thingy it stuck and sprayed me all over the front of my sweatshirt. The kids sort of snickered. “Hehehehehe…look at Grampa….hehehehehehe….Grampa, how did you get all wet?…hehehehehehehe. I think my son-in-laws were responsible some how but I am having a hard time proving it. But that wasn’t the first time it happened It also quote-unquote “happened” (like it was an accident) at a church event in January a couple of years ago. It was a Saturday seminar with one of our important church officials. His name was Larry. We will call him Larry. Larry The Important Church Official. Larry TICO for short. About 15 people were gathered and it was just a few minutes before I was to introduce Larry TICO. The faucet in the kitchen was leaking. It was one of those industrial type of kitchen sinks with the water supply for the faucet coming directly out of the wall (as in “pointing toward the person standing in front of the sink”). I am a man. I am sort of handy. So I am sort of a handyman. Sort of. I, as super-pastor-sort-of-handyman, wanted to impress the ladies in the kitchen so I attempted to fix or stop the leak. Shouldn’t be much of a problem. I am Dutch – my ancestors were good at stopping leaks. Remember the little Dutch boy who stuck his finger in the dike to save Holland? Kept his finger in the hole all night long to prevent his homeland from becoming a lake. I wasn’t planning on taking that long. I pushed on the faucet to see if that would help. It didn’t. And that’s when it happened. Ffffssshhhhoooosoooososshhhhh!!! Directly at me! The one side of the faucet became unhooked from the water supply and the water was spraying horizontally out of the wall. I, super-pastor-sort-of-handyman, held my hand up in front of the pressurized stream to try to stop it. Who did I think I was, Moses? I was getting wet – and fast. Immediately someone (or I super-pastor-sort-of-handyman – that part is a little bit of a blur) went under the sink and shut off the supply. I was really wet. It was 5 minutes before I had to introduce Larry TICO When I went to talk to him he said, (and I quote), “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!” Water-logged-super-pastor-sort-of-handyman, “Faucet…attack…me…wet.” I introduced Larry TICO and eventually dried off. I made some sort of joke about wanting to get baptized. Somehow, I think my son-in-laws were involved in this also, but again, I am having a hard time proving it. CSI Hawthorne is working on the case. Copyright 2008 All rights reserved